About 15 years ago I experienced my first spiritual awakening. It followed a period of great turmoil and unhappiness. One of the first realisations was that my internal state was not determined by my experiences, or the situation outside of my self. All that mattered was the manner in which I dealt with the world; whether I responded to events with fear and anger, or with gratitude and love. With this realisation came an understanding of freedom and power that I had never experienced before. It was intoxicating and more powerful than anything I had experienced before. I began to focus my energies on clearing the mind, and developing a great detachment from it. Over the weeks my mind started to flood with beautiful thoughts about faith, the universe, and love. I was drawing a lot at the time, and I felt myself tapping into a kind of creative well. No longer was ‘I’ drawing. Rather I was a vessel providing a hand for the expression of something infinitely higher than the ordinary idea of the self.
I was a young guy at this time and though most of my thoughts were not egoic, it was hard not to think of myself as being special, being graced with such wonderful insights. Reading spriptures and teachings from many faiths and philosophies only strengthened this. Then something strange started to happen. As I attempted to share my thoughts with people I found myself coming into conflict, unable to be understood. I felt increasingly isolated from people I loved. At this point I moved to back to my family home in Bondi, where I soon found a great community of people, and I enjoyed a sense of connection that I had never experienced before.
It was only years later when I realised the what I was doing that was creating separation and conflict, and the pain that goes with that. I made the mistake of understanding the awakening to power as being personal. The next awakening was accompanied by many realisations again, even more powerful than the first time, but this time I could see that the awakening was not about me at all, rather it was realising the power that unites everything and everyone. This is the source of all beauty, wonder, and power. Ego has no place here. Ego was the source of conflict before, and it had stopped me from serving and contributing what I could.
So as you awaken to the power and beauty that lies within, recognise that not as an aspect of the limited ‘I’ but as your realisation of your true universal source at which level we are all one.